Waiting and Hoping and Praying

Sometimes no news is good news. Other times, no news is...no news. That's sort of the case with our adoption. I mean, there's news. There's dramatic news, sad news, confusing news, good news, infuriating news, unbelievable news, crazy news, and plain old newsy news, but generally, by the time I can get around to sharing the news, it's become old news, which, really, is no news at all. Right? In my head, I swear that makes sense. Sadly, that is my answer to those of you who have been writing and asking for an update on the adoption situation here on the blog. The whole thing is just so changeable, that I'm not sure what to say.  I've tried to give regular updates on Facebook, but even that has become too difficult. I worry about saying the wrong thing...or about saying the right thing but having the wrong people read it. I also worry about jinxing myself, which I know is totally stupid and unCatholic and probably going to earn me an extra millennium in Purgatory, but non-stop, soul-crushing, bank account-draining stress does crazy things to your head. So, that's my excuse. Because so many of you have asked, though, I'll try to give  the Cliff's Note Version update. In a nutshell, we are waiting and hoping and praying.

As some of you know, thanks to the generosity of our wonderful friends, family, and Facebook friends, who donated to our YouCaring Fundraiser, Chris and I managed to buy the baby's parents reliable transportation (so the dad could get to his job) and keep them off the streets by buying a used travel trailer and renting space for them in a mobile home park. This was an "absolutely necessary, no other options left" decision, made after our attorney spent days and days canvassing Northern California for a place for them to live, I spent two weeks calling every social service agency in the region, and the mom was blackballed from every potential maternity home in California (for good reason). They moved in to the travel trailer on Holy Saturday and since then, things have been...not boring. Not boring at all. In sum, the dad lost his job, the mom made some bad decisions, her food stamps haven't arrived because of the move, and she now hates the trailer and wants us to find her a new place to live (not possible). At the same time, the dad loves the trailer and will be angry with us if we sell it. And, although the dad has found some work, our bank account has been bled dry, as we have been almost fully supporting them for the past five months. And we still have two months to go. I know. The whole thing seems shady. But, we completely trust our attorney and have been told by others that this is not atypical for California adoptions, as the state allows for unlimited support for the expectant mothers. Note to self: If you ever adopt again, don't adopt from California. At least not if the mom is only 7 weeks pregnant when you're matched. To make matters worse, we have some sort of crisis with the birth mom every 10-14 days. She runs away. She comes back. She makes bad choices. She repents of bad choices. She gets in trouble. She gets out of trouble. She says she's giving the baby to another couple. She says she could never give the baby to anybody but us. It. Is. Maddening. It's like the world's most expensive and least fun Merry-Go-Ride EVER, and I am dizzy, folks. My face is breaking out. I'm having chest pains. I can't sleep. My stomach is in knots. And to top it all of, I'm 43 now, so I'm no longer losing weight when I'm stressed like I used to. Instead, I'm gaining it. Seriously, nothing is going my way anymore. For years, I've watched my friends suffer through the last trimester of their pregnancy, and I'm trying to tell myself that is what I am doing. More important, there's lots of suffering all around me, so I'm trying to be a good Catholic and offer it up for all the hurt I see. I'm also praying like crazy—for the mom, the dad, the baby, our attorney, and us.

As a Type AAA, choleric "doer," not being able to do anything but pray is difficult for me. But the longer this goes on, the more I'm coming to realize that there is nothing more important to do right now than pray. This woman needs prayers. The baby inside her womb needs prayers. Whatever happens with the adoption, whatever happens to the baby, those prayers have lasting value. They will make a difference in some way. As hard as that can be to remember, I do believe it. So, for now, we pray. Please pray with us. Pray the St. Michael prayer. Pray the Rosary. If you can, have a Mass said for the baby's parents. Or invoke every saint you've got on spiritual speed dial and call them in on the job. We believe Satan is attacking us and the baby's family in every possible way. He is using the big guns on us, so we need to use even bigger guns to fight back. And that's the sort of update. Sorry there aren't more details. But chances are by the time you read this post, things will have changed yet again. What doesn't change, however, is how amazing my husband is, how patient the people close to me are being as I handle all this stress way less than perfectly, and how much God loves all the people involved in this process. As we keep telling the mom, God loves her so, so much. He wants more for her than she can imagine. And while no amount of money is going to buy her peace, prayer can secure what money can't. Knowing that helps. So too does gin. And our Finally-Completed-After-16-months  fireplace in the dining room.

It's the little things helping me stay sane, people. When you're holding on to your sanity by a thread, you take whatever help you can get. Prayers still helps more than fireplaces, though, so thanks in advance for all the prayer support you can throw our way. I can't imagine where we would be without you.